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Browse the helpful alphabetical list on the right to help guide you through the mass of information available on this page. Just click a topic to go directly to that article.

Acts of kindness

Encourage your children to be sensitive to the feelings of others. Then show them how they might help. Example: "Anna looks sad today. I think she needs a friend. Can you invite her to play with you?"

Constructive discipline

Give children a choice when they misbehave: "Do you want to stop arguing, or leave the table?" If arguing continues, you make the decision -children leave until they can be peaceful.

The Spirited Child

My son Wesley has endless energy and a strong will. He argues about which shoes to wear He screams about the cereal at breakfast. He erases holes into his homework paper. A bad day for Wesley? No - a typical day. I was at my wit's end until I read a book by Mary Sheehy Kurcinka called Raising Your Spirited Child. It helped me see my child in a different way- rather than just as "difficult" and "hyperactive." Instead of thinking of Wesley as stubborn and loud, I began to see him as a "spirited" child who knows what he wants. He started to see himself in a better way, too. Wesley needed both choices and structure. For example, he decided which shoes to wear and which cereal to eat. I set up his homework center in a quiet place with paper pencils, and erasers. During his calm moments, we talk about how his "out-of-control" times feel and what he can do to make them better. Now Wesley is calmer. He knows he doesn't need to pound his fists to get me to listen. We've both learned to give a little and look at things more positively- most of the time.

Copyright 1996 Resources for Educators, Inc.

Winning their Cooperation

The way you speak to your children often affects their willingness to listen. Respectful, descriptive language works best. Example: Instead of angrily commanding, "I told you to bring your dishes to the sink," calmly say, "I see some dishes left on the table."

Food for thought

Have each member of the family talk about something he or she learned during the day. Allow each person a few minutes without interruptions to share a new idea. Is dinnertime one of the few times your whole family is together? Why not make the most of it? Besides being together, take the opportunity to squeeze in a little learning -just for fun! Try adding these topics to your "menu" of conversation: Talk about an event in the news. Who are the people? Where is their country or city? How does the event affect your family or community? After dinner, look up the country or city on a map. Ask questions, such as: If everyone at the table eats 12 green beans, how many beans will the whole family eat? If you started eating dinner at 6:17p.m. and finished at 6:43 p.m., how long did it take to eat?

Stranger in a strange land

Is your child in a new school or class? This can be scary for many kids - and may get in the way of learning. It's hard for your child to think about math or science when she's worried about fitting in. But you can help make the transition easier: Let your child know it's normal to feel a little lonely or unsure in new situations. Assure her that she'll make friends soon. Be prepared to help the process along. Get her involved in after-school activities right away. Introduce yourself to other parents from her class. Let teachers know you're looking for ways to help your child feel more comfortable. With a little "behind-the-scenes" help, your child can make friends, build self-confidence, and start the school year off right.

Discipline

Most parents and educators agree that discipline involves training children to follow certain rules at home and in school. But many disagree on how that should be accomplished. Some believe the best way is to simply punish children for misbehavior by spanking or other means. Others prefer to discuss infractions and to impose appropriate consequences. Many schools rely on conflict resolution and peer mediation programs. All of these approaches work some of the time, but none work all of the time. However, there are a few simple guidelines on which most experts agree. Teach children how to handle anger. If you want your children to follow the rule not to hit each other, just saying, "don't hit" isn't enough. Teach them alternative ways to handle their feelings; show them how negotiation can get them what they want better than hitting can. Explain the impor-tance of treating others as they would want to be treated. Children learn from watch-ing their parents. If you hit them when you're angry, or use foul language, they will assume that they can hit and curse, too. On the other hand, if you listen to them, encourage them to talk problems out, and speak to them calmly and with respect, they will learn to do the same. · Be realistic in your expectations. Don't expect children to follow rules if they aren't mature enough. It may be unrealistic to expect a preschooler to sit still through a long movie, or elementary school children to go grocery shopping with you after dinner. You may be asking for more than they are capable of doing. · Be prepared for misbehavior. Know ahead of time what you will say and do if your children misbehave. Calmly explain to them the behavior you expect, and what will happen if they break the rules. If you see a situation that could lead to trouble, give warnings and intervene before things get out of control. · Be flexible. Try not to get stuck in a rule rut. Your rules may need to be changed because your children have changed. Sometimes it's best to ignore small behavior lapses, depending on the circumstances. Save your discipline enforcement for your most important rules. · Praise good behavior. If you see your children doing something good, like putting their toys away without being told, make sure you compliment them for being responsible. This helps build and reinforce their self-esteem. · Expect to repeat your rules often. It may take years of remindings for rules to "sink in" to children's everyday behavior. Always explain the reasons behind the rules, rather than just "laying down the law." · Don't make threats you won't keep. If you say that the penalty for jumping on the bed is no TV for a week, will you really follow through? Making threats you don't intend to keep will result in your children ignoring both you and your rules. · Don't embarrass children. You can discipline children without making them feel ashamed and embarrassed. Avoid making negative comments to and about your child. It's important to keep children's dignity intact because, as one teacher explained, "If you take it away, they'll get even with you." · Realize that our own behavior isn't ideal. Whether we want to eat less, spend less, or be better organized, we too are still learning discipline. The only difference is that no one will send us to our room if we eat too many brownies (although the conse-quences will be very clear!). Let your children see that you're not perfect. If you lose your temper and yell at them, for example, apologize and promise that you'll try not to do it again. Your children will appreciate your honesty. Support school rules at home. Let your children know that you expect them to follow the rules at school as well as at home. They should understand that appropriate behavior is expected at both places, and that you support the school's discipline policy. Physical punishment for disciplinary offenses has been abolished in many states and school districts. Research indicates that this type of punishment may not only adversely affect a child's self-image and school performance, but may contribute to more disruptive and violent behavior. If your child has a serious misbehavior problem in school, like vandalism, truancy, or fighting, try to find a solution by talking to the child and school staff. If the problem persists, it is best to seek professional help quickly rather than impose more severe penalties.

Keeping Children Fit

Are your children physically at risk? It's possible. More and more young children are being diagnosed with early symptoms of heart disease, ranging from obesity to dangerous levels of cholesterol and blood pressure. The cause, in many cases, may be traced to an increasingly sedentary lifestyle. By the time children reach high school, 63 percent are no longer physically active. Why? Television, video games, and personal computers are big culprits. But a society in which children seldom walk to school-or anywhere else-is also to blame. So are children's diets that often consist of high-calorie snacks and fast-food meals. Research has proven that physically active children have fewer chronic health problems than sedentary youngsters, do better in physical performance tests, and are more alert at school. They also have a stronger self-image and greater self-confidence. Therefore, it makes good sense to encourage physical activity when your children are young. While fitness experts recommend regular, 20-minute aerobic workouts at least three times a week, young children really don't need a limit. Preschoolers usually enjoy activities-such as jumping, running, hopping, somersaulting, sliding, walking on logs, and bike riding-that develop their large muscles, balance, and coordination. They also like ball games like soccer, basketball, and ping-pong~r simply playing catch-that help develop small muscles and eye-hand-foot coordination. Encourage these activities by frequently taking your children to parks and playgrounds. Because children's physical activities are often influenced by those of their parents, it's important to establish family exercise goals and to spend time actively exercising with your children. But don't push them into an activity or sport they don't like. If you do, you may create a backlash that will discourage them from participating in any exercise routine. Here's how to make exercise fun for you and your family: · Introduce children to some fun activities that you can do together. Let them choose. · Vary activities like swimming, biking, rowing, and ball games to help develop different parts of the body. · Exercise regularly with your children. Don't make it an occasional, low-priority activity. · Make sure children have plenty of liquids while exercising in hot weather. Substitute fruit and low-fat food for high-calorie snacks. · Include warm-up, cool-down, and stretching activities in your exercise routines. · Pour on the praise. Point out how well your children are progressing with their exercise skills and stamina. Give children toys and clothing that encourage activity-balls, bikes, skates, jump ropes, Frisbees, sneakers with good cushioning, sweat suits, and bike helmets. Make sure children dress appropriately in hot or cold weather, and be sensitive to their needs to rest or drink liquids. · Don't fuss if children get dirty or sweaty. · Plan physical activities for birthday parties, weekends, and summer vacations. · Ask your doctor to recommend activities and equipment suitable for your child's age and development. · Avoid competition and penalties in family exercise activities, and never embarrass children by pointing out their lack of skills. · Avoid sitting in front of the television for hours at a time. Find some activity, like an exercise video, that will keep you and your children moving. If a regular exercise period conflicts with a favorite TV program, tape the program and enjoy it after your exercise.

"I have no friends:"

If your child has a hard time making friends, you can help. Invite a school-mate out for pizza, to the library, or to your home to watch a movie. Important: Try not to "force" friends on your child-just arrange fun times.

12 Ways to Build Responsibility and help your child succeed.

Years ago, children shared the workload of the family-everyone helped out. These days, many kids have almost no responsibilities. When these same children are faced with tough decisions-such as whether to use drugs-they are less likely to make responsible choices. What can you do to help your children become responsible and be more successful? Give them lots of practice. There's no better place to start than at home. This special report shows you 12 ways to strengthen the all-important quality of responsibility in your chil-dren. Choose an area each of your children need help with, or work on a separate area each month.

1 Doing chores
Work together as a team. Write down on small slips of paper what must be done each week: cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, or dusting the furniture. Fold the slips in half and put them in a jar or box. Once a week, have the kids pick slips to see what their weekly jobs are. At first, work alongside them so they'll know just what to do. They might not do the job as well as you, but praise their efforts. When their jobs are completed, they're free to play

2 Putting things away
Talk with your children and decide together where their books, toys, clothes, and other things belong. Some parents choose a time each day -others once a week - when all possessions must be put away. If belongings are still scattered around the house at that time, say nothing, collect the items, and store them in a closet. Your children can have their missing items the following week, or sooner if they do an extra job.

3 Helping ease the morning rush
Good planning is the key. Have your children set the breakfast table, make lunches, take baths, and lay out clothes the night before. If getting the kids out of bed is a problem, try an alarm clock. If that doesn't work, have them go to bed earlier the next night. Keep breakfast simple so your chil-dren can help prepare it. Find a regu-lar place for all school-related items. Use this spot for homework assign-ments, notes, and school forms.

4 Getting homework done
Sit down with your children and decide when and where homework will be done. Make it clear that keep-ing track of assignments and completing homework is their responsibility-not yours. For most children, a daily assignment sheet works well. If they have trouble with an assignment, make sure they understand the directions, and work on a couple of problems or questions together. Then have them work alone. If your children aren't completing their homework, insist that it be done before other activities.

5 Taking part in your community
Communities, large and small, work better when everyone takes some responsibility. Let your children see how j'ou are involved with the community. Take them along when you vote, recycle, or donate clothing. Tell them why you attend PTA or PTO meetings or vol-unteer your time. Now show your kids how they can contribute, for example, by collecting food for those in need.

6 Learning to make smart decisions
As your children gain prac-tice making decisions, they'll make smarter decisions. When they're young, offer simple choices: "What kind of tooth-paste would you like?" As your children get older, give them more difficult choices. Let them experience the consequences of their poor decisions-as long as they're not in danger. Share a few important decisions you've made and what you've learned from your mistakes.

7 Caring for living things
Learning to care for a pet or a plant can also help develop responsibility. Some pets, such as dogs and cats, require far more time and attention than others, so choose carefully. A small garden plot offers many opportunities for "growth." First, the soil must be prepared. Then comes planting, watering the soil, pulling the weeds, and gath-ering the harvest.

8 Becoming more lndependent
If your children are capable of doing something them-selves, let them. This includes making the bed, fixing sandwiches, and putting dirty clothes in the hamper. To make responsibilities clear, create a "job chart" for each of your children. Place the items they are responsi-ble for on the left side of the chart and the days of the week across the top. As they complete their tasks, have them put check marks under the correct day.

9 Following family rules
Imagine playing a game where the rules are con-stantly being changed by someone else. Pretty frustrating, isn't it? What about the family rules in your home? Write them down and discuss each one at a family meeting. Make the rules short, clear, easy to check, and reason-able. Talk about what happens when someone ignores the rules. Example: If no fighting is allowed, kids who fight should go to a "cooling off" area. When they're ready to talk things out and come up with a peaceful solution, they may return.

10 Managing money wisely
Giving your children an allowance when they're young makes sense. There's no right amount, but it's better to start small and increase it as they grow older. Most experts suggest that children be allowed to decide how their allowances should be spent-within reason. If they run out of money before the week is out, resist the temptation to give more. Over time, your chil-dren will learn the value of money and the conse-quences of poor money management. If they insist on designer clothes and shoes that cost a fortune, tell them how much you're willing to spend. They can use their allowances to pay the difference.

11 Responsibility through stories
Lecturing your children on responsibility is usually not effective. It's much easier for them to learn about responsibility through story characters or the lives of great men and women. With a little effort, you can find a story that brings out some aspect of responsibility you'd like your child to learn. For example, Tikki Tik~i Tern bo, by Arlene Mosel, involves a young boy's sense of responsibility for his brother. You can make up your own stories, or tell about a time when a member of your family was especially responsible.

12 Setting a good example
It's a good idea to ask yourself a few questions from time to time. For example, do you get involved in your community? Do your share around the house? Put your things away? If you do, your kids will probably learn to do the same. It may take awhile, but it's well worth the effort!

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